Letting Go

There are some things in ones life that are very hard to forget. May it be people, places, prized possessions, emotions, even the very memories we carry in our hearts and minds. Letting go of those very things can bring a person at a loss, especially if that person or object is very close to that person's heart.
Letting go can come in many forms: deaths, departures, or other events that may have taken place.

I was never good at saying goodbyes... I guess I never will be. The thought of being parted from people I love or other things just devastates me. Goodbye... it was never an easy word to say... in its simplicity, it brought with it this feeling of letting go. Recently on my graduation, I found myself uttering this word over and over again to my friends who I've been with all my life. I found myself letting go of so much things and people on that day... the school which I considered my second home, the familiar faces who I would see everyday, my batch who was with me ever since I started my schooling, and the biggest thing I had to let go off that day was my class, the wonderful people I spent two great years with. It never is easy to say goodbye and go your own separate ways.

As hard as it is to let go, as horrible as it is... sometimes it is simply necessary. A friendship gone amiss, a relationship ending, hatred you feel for somebody, sometimes we just have to let go for our own benefit. Letting go and going on with life, as hard as it sounds, that is how life works.

But how could one let go of something she never had? A dream that never came true, a goal that was never fulfilled, a love that was never known... could you actually let go of these things when you never had them in the first place? How can you let go of the person you love when he was never yours to begin with? How can you utter the lines I'm letting you go because I love you to the wind when no one knew but yourself? How can you even end something that had never even begun?

As I have mentioned, I am not the expert at goodbyes and letting go... but at this very moment, I ask myself if I should still hang on to that when everything seems bleak... do I still believe even though fate is trying to tell me something else? Do I still persevere even though I know it will do me no good? I can't help but feel ridiculous for still hanging on even though I know I am going against all odds. Life is simply that way... we cling on to something we can never have... the more impossible it is to reach it, the harder we try... truly laughable... but who am I to laugh when I have fallen into the very same trap myself.

How can I let this go when deep inside me I know my heart is telling me no, and my mind is saying yes? More importantly, how can I let you go when I never had you in the first place?

Letting go... I am trying my best to let go... it's turning out easier than expected... easier to forget, easier to turn my back on everything... but with those same emotions... my heart is weeping, weeping for a loss it never had.


There was only one thing to do now... her whole persona seemed to protest against it, but she knew that it had to be done. As the waves crashed onto the shore, she took a step into the freezing waters of the ocean, a step at a time going deeper. She stopped midway and she cast the objects she was carrying out into the deep waters. Her tears joined the very waters of the ocean as she wept and wept. The sound of the ocean drowned off her cries as she muttered the word "goodbye" over and over again...


...::Jacqueline::...