Summer Madness

Maybe this insanity I am faced with comes with the heat that summer brings. These emotions that my heart succumbs to... maybe after this season it will all pass... maybe just maybe. All these sentimental feelings, all the sadness.

I tell myself... rather, I force myself to try to forget you... to not think of you anymore for the very memory or thought of you can bring much pain. But even though I try and try... all my efforts seem futile.

I guess things really did change... I don't know if it will ever return to what it was before but all I know is that I'm clingin on a cliff right now... about to let go and throw myself on the crashing waves below. Give up everything...

I have to admit... everytime I look back on those days... it brings a tear to my eyes... furthermore... my heart never fails to weep. Everytime I recall the things you said... I can not help but compare those times with the now.

How can one forget when all she thinks about is that person. When one can not help but wonder how that other person is doing?

After muttering the words forget it or it's over, I just find myself missing you once again. At times I just really want to stop this foolishness, to get as far away as I could, to not hear from you again. But that is too much even for me. I find myself running away, fleeing with all of my strength only to find myself back to where I started... at the point of giving up.

Summer Madness... I would like to believe that this is all the heats doing... I would like to believe that this is just temporary insanity. I would like to believe that it will all be gone in time. Madness...madness of heart, mind and soul.

And I could not weep... I held it back as the tears forced their way out... I would not allow them to flow, not anymore. I lifted my head and faced everything once again. No tears came from my eyes but deep down inside, I know that my heart was weeping for me, overflowing with emotions that could not be allowed to surface. It cried with a pain that would surpass all the hurt one could feel... and still, outside, I am but a solid rock, standing firm... but crying deep inside.


...::Jacqueline::...