Critical

And I'd give up forever to touch you... cause I know that you'll feel me somehow...

I have found myself making a critical choice last eve... it was whether to tell this person I like the truth or to just keep it to myself as I always do. Looking back, I have never really had the nerve to let out my feelings to the person especially. Last eve... after asking for signs and waiting and thinking about it for how long... I felt that I should tell him... and I did.

The topic was on love... actually it was on our 'dead love lives' to be more exact. He was telling me that he wished he would find his "perfect girl" and all that... with all of these in mind... seeds of doubt were slowly being planted into my head... I found myself asking if I should still push through with this or that maybe this was not such a good idea after all. Signs... none of them showed... and then when I was on the verge of giving up... the signs I asked for showed themselves, one after the other. He asked why I was dazed... I told him that I was thinking if I should tell him something or not... then on went the guessing game. His guesses were all correct except for the part when names had to be mentioned. After some more minutes of guessing and me on the edge of the cliff... I shook my head to that very last name he mentioned and then it was obvious that it was him I was talking about. I couldn't help but cry a bit... and he laughed a bit... hugged me and said it was alright. I doubted this whole thing... I didn't get any reaction from him but his laughter and hugs. While waiting for the car... I said my piece and he listened... I couldn't look him in the eye... I hope things don't change... and all that. The car came... I texted him something before we dropped him off and he looked at me and just said "aww jac...". Texts that evening did not give me any clues whatsoever on how he took that.

Right now... this week long break is killing me... not knowing anything is even worse. Then it just came to me... I wish I did not do what I did anymore... I wish I just let my fears take over and kept it to myself... Things will change... and I don't want them to change... I am such a fool...

Why does love do this to people anyway? Drive them insane... push them to do something they would never normally do... and then after all the pain... make them regret everything. I wish I could turn back time and erase what had happened... critical... that is how everything is at the moment...

As for now... I will have to settle for something I hate... waiting...

She waited... waited for anything... a clue... a sign... nothing came. She regretted what courage she built up within herself to tell him. She waited some more... tears came, the regret grew deeper... and still, she was alone...

...::Jacqueline::...